Savour it while you can!! 

08 Jul
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I have seen soo many blog posts shared lately about the “lasts”, the fact that admist my shit encrusted nails and threenager tantrums, I am meant to remember these are the “golden years”, the times I will miss…

I am not saying there is not truth to that, but what a pessimistic outlook..  Yes there is the last time my son will cuddle into me and breastfeed to sleep.. There is also the first time I don’t have to wipe my three year olds arse after he shits…

Yes there will be a “last time I sing wheels on the bus”, but do you know what, I’m not that all that attached to that song personally… Yes I will miss this stage and age sometime in the future when I am not in it.. But that is the beauty of high insight.

I also have fond memories of stealing my Dad’s car to be part of drag races in Quay Street in the late 2000’s… But it doesn’t mean I want to relive it.. And if someone had told my cocky, seventeen year old self I needed to “savor those times”; first of all, as the dick I was at that age, I would have firstly told you to “f#@k off”, not only that but I’m not convinced it would have changed my behaviour, attitude or outlook in a way that makes me appreciate that “freedom” more now, while stuck in a rocking chair breastfeeding…nor would it have made me feel better about the hardships that where part and parcel of that time..

Much like getting no personal space or having to have an audience to shit for the last three years, is somehow balanced in my mind by thinking that sometime long in the future, I will look back, romantically (not considering the real in the moment feelings and uncomfortable parts of the experience) on this time with my kids…

Yes I will no doubt look back on these times with fond memories, just as I do when I think, with a smirk, about having a reputation of being “the girl that beat all the boy-racer guys” down in Quay Street…

I understand the concept of this idea is about helping us appreciate the shit we have to deal with, but it is invalidating. And, I think it is a bit depressive… Like if I can’t appreciate the good now, “in the Golden years”, what am I looking forward to?! Some sad time when the issues of making sure I had the right coloured cup lid and could change a nappy without screaming as my 13 month old won’t for the love of God stay still for a nappy change, where actually a beautiful time?!

Holy f@#k?! Really??

I love this age and stage, as much as I hate it, but honestly… Back off.. It’s invalidating to say the things I struggle with now will be something I look fondly on in the future, even if it is f#@ken true! It’s depressive to focus on all the “lasts” instead of celebrating the “firsts”..

Kids grow up. They are meant to. There is nothing hidden in that process..

For a while I personally freaked out about my eldest “growing up too quick”.. He went through a phase of being seriously concerned about the concept of it all. He said to a friend of mine and my husband’s, as we had a BBQ and few drinks one weekend, “I don’t think it sounds all that cool to grow up. I don’t think I want to”…

Our friend, obviously not even considering what he was saying after a few beers, replied, “fair enough dude. It’s a bit of a scam this ‘grown up stuff’… I don’t blame you”… This obviously fuelled my three year old’s concern. For weeks on end I tried to “talk up the benefits of growing up”…

And during that time it really struck me, you can either be sad about the “lasts” or “excited for the firsts”, it’s your pick. Things will change, it’s the only inevitable in life..Kids will grow up and your relationship will change, it’s meant to!

Our perceptions and outlooks on life are really the only things we have control off in this journey… Yes, one day I will miss my kids being this age, but on that day I doubt I will have human shit under my nails and be doing deep breathing mindfulness exercises to stop myself at losing my shit at my 3 year old!

Yes this stage is great and if it helps you, hang onto that tight to that concept when the going gets tough. But please, stop guilting and invaliding all the crap I have to deal with now, on the front line, by telling me it will one day it will be the days I wish I could relive most!

Now, do you wana try and pin down this baby covered in shit who doesn’t want to lay down for a nappy change or should I?!

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