I feel like I have a lot of my plate at the moment, actually, I feel like my “plate” is similar to that of a stoned teenager in a Chinese smorgasbord restaurant- so heavily laden that bits of food are falling off all over the show as they stumble back to their table…
Admist the many balls I am juggling, my beautiful three year old has just been booked in for surgery next week to remove his tonsils, adenoids and put in a new set of grommets. It’s fairly major surgery (nothing compared to what some parents face, I am very grateful that it’s not something worse!) for a 3 year old, recovery is pretty extensive, the ENT told me to expect it is like having another newborn for at least two or three weeks.
I know it’s all positive, we have the best ENT in Auckland, we have health insurance and so can go the private route instead of having to continue to wait through the public system. He has had a general anaesthetic before (meaning you would already know if that aspect was going to be an issue for our dude, and it wasn’t so again that’s positive…) and I know he will be all the better for it in the long run..
BUT, (and I put that in capitals cause its a big one!) it’s still fuckn scary! Seeing your baby laid out on a huge operating table after they have put them to sleep is daunting.. Then you have to just walk away, leave them there, that’s hard. And it’s hard to be brave and strong and confident for your kids when it’s the complete opposite to how you feel.
And I’m worried about the recovery, this is nothing like just having grommets put in. He will have to have the back of his throat and nose cauterised and there is at least two weeks of recovery and pretty intense pain.. There is a big chance, cause he is only three and little kids are good at healing, that the scabs will come off prematurely and he may have hemorrhaging and have to go back in again for further surgery.. I am worried how he and the rest of us for that matter, will cope with that…
I do know in my heart of hearts that everything will be fine but it doesn’t dull down the nerves and worries and fears and anxiety! And, my little dude, bless him, he doesn’t get there is any difference to last time and has just been so generally uncomfortable not to mention deaf and off balance for these last few months, he just keeps asking if we can go yet! ??
So soon buddy, soon. And I will be brave and strong and confident, like you are right now, and all four of us will get through it together.. We will deal with the issues as they come, I will make an extra effort not to make up worse case scenarios in my head or try and plan for what potential problems I forsee because I learnt when your brother was born, the issues I stewed over and planned for never arose and the ones that did, totally blind sighted me and I would have never expected them..
But for today, this afternoon, we went for a walk and looked at the cows and talked about the “special hat” the doctor had to look down his nose..
Kids are beautiful, the way they live in the moment… I always do, but particularly for the next little while, I need to remind myself to do the same.